Good weather, good company, good yarn, good times… to say the least.
This pics are from Mayleen’s camera, I still have to upload mine.


I dont believe in this western medicine shit most of the time. elements of it help people but the majority of our health problems are preventable but we dont do that. yesyes. baby out with the bath water. i dont care.

But i have to put that aside because i am starting to get scared about my health. i haven’t had a regular period since august 2007. that is more than a few missed periods. im 22. it makes me feel panicky when i think about it. i obviously want nothing to do with reproduction and children…..  for a while i may have tried to convince myself that i had evolved, ya know? the world is overpopulated so we are just going to stop reproducing because its evolution. we are too many. nice thought but its more likely that something like the amount of petroleum ive inadvertently consumed over the years has affected my ovaries.

anyway…. i was going to acupuncture for a while but she is having a baby right now and I am not ready to build another relationship up. it took me a bit with that anyway.  without acupuncture, i thought i’d run a lot and try to figure out my health on my own. but i havent been. 

its not a good idea to self medicate but… eh. i dont so much trust doctors, i live in my body, i have a better sense of what i feel, whats normal for me, etc. i know what i have is called amenorrhea, which is when you stop getting your period. i obviously am not anorexic and i obviously am not over exercising. in fact, when i was a little intense with the exercising i was getting my period. that was likely my outlet for this ugly thing we all deal with day in and day out and just accept as a fact of life. that little bugger is stress. so… im not getting my period because of stress? it makes sense to me and maybe from the outside it doesn’t seem to be logical but its there all right. i half hope its related to my hypothalamus instead. that is easier. and would explain a lot more simply but at the same time that would mean i’m at high risk for osteoporosis?

here you have it:

  • Stress-related amenorrhea, also known as psychogenic HA, can affect normal weight, nonathletic women due to high levels of cortisol (a stress-related hormone) and accompanying endocrine and metabolic changes in the body.  
  • Furthermore, long-term amenorrhea has significant complications of its own, such as a significantly increased risk of osteopenia and osteoporosis. Osteopenia is literally defined as “poverty of bone”, and refers to any decrease in bone mass below the normal. The more commonly used term, osteoporosis, is an advanced version of osteopenia, meaning that the loss of bone mass is more significant.
  • Secondary amenorrhea may also be related to hormonal problems related to stress, depression, anorexia nervosa or drugs, or it may be caused by any condition affecting the ovaries, such as a tumor. The cessation of menstruation also occurs permanently after menopause or a hysterectomy.
  • If a woman has missed three or more periods in a row, a physician may recommend blood tests to measure hormone levels, a scan of the skull to rule out the possibility of a pituitary tumor, and ultrasound scans of the abdomen and pelvis to rule out a tumor of the adrenal gland or ovary.

Possible causes? Generally, the causes of amenorrhea include certain genetic defects, body structure abnormalities, or endocrine disorders. Specific causes include the following.

  • Developmental problems, such as the absence of the uterus or vagina
  • Hormone imbalance produced by the endocrine system
  • Excessive amounts of the male hormone testosterone
  • Improper functioning of the ovaries
  • Intrauterine infection or endometritis
  • Menopause, usually between the ages of 40 and 55
  • Pregnancy or breast-feeding
  • Discontinuation of oral contraceptives
  • Disease (such as diabetes mellitus or tuberculosis)
  • Stress or psychological disorders
  • Malnutrition, extreme weight loss, anorexia nervosa
  • Extreme overweight (obesity)
  • Extreme exercise (such as long-distance running)
  • Drug abuse

i successfully made an appointment at an office not far from my apt. i went online, looked up a obgyn close to me who takes oxford health, was put on hold four times and told that the doctor i looked up who accepts my health insurance can’t see me until mid-late december. so, they give me an appointment with a PA and i dont think a physician assistant can help me.  

the funny thing is i have been putting this off for so long and suddenly i want to go right now, waiting another day is terrifying and i’m thinking about it more and more. but they squeezed me in and my appointment is a few weeks away instead of a couple months.

im mad nervous already.


The boy and I both needed a breath of fresh air outside the city and headed to the Catskills for a mini vaca a few weeks back. Google Mt. Tremper and one of the first things that pops up is the world’s biggest kaleidoscope. Strangely fitting? Yes. We stayed at the lazy meadow motel owned by kate from the b-52’s, took about 2.5 hours by Trailways to get up there.  There is an amazing fruit stand/farmer’s market sorta thing right across the street.*$1 per pound of honey crisp apples.* are you kidding? i ate two a day while we were there. (ps i’d like to go apple picking, anyone want to lend me their car? i’m a good driver, my license expired over a year ago but that isn’t really an issue) it rained a lot that first night and our little airstream was right on the river so we could hear both the rain and the river. AWESOME. in the morning we went and had a lovely meal in phoenicia  at Sweet Sue’s with a couple we met at the motel, they gave us a lift to woodstock. REALLY wanted to eat at the vegan cafe. NEXT TIME. wandered around Woodstock.  its pretty nice, not as cheesy hippy as you might think. got some beer and gin. went to thrift store but the highlight was this little gem of a book store. I don’t even know if it had a name.  hitch hiked back to mount tremper. i love that the people with no room are always the ones who offer a lift.  watched mad about you, knit, laid in the hammock, slept well. woke up late, hiked mt tremperish. came home.



 back to the noise, cell phones, work and email.


culture shock.

naked biking

October 17, 2008

I want someone to coordinate this in NYC.

Any takers?

Like you need another reason to know that bikers are so rad but click this.

This need be changin: 18 months to wait after requesting a bike rack? Hell naw. 


NYC Bike Racks… On October 24th one will be chosen. All I gotta say is it better be functional. I dont care how it looks at all. Outside the Flatbush food co-op they have one of those spirally ones… no good. Can’t do shit with it, like 3 bikes fit and its mad awkward.

horsey harry

October 16, 2008


First things first. The poster is brilliantbrilliantbrilliant. Its both striking and smart.

Secondly, I don’t mean to be on a vegan spiel but recently that seems to be my nitch. So, be warned but please read on.

I went and saw ‘Equus’ tonight with James after eating at Zen Palate. Good company, good eatins, good weather. (Rode the bike for the first time in a bit, that rain.. it makes me into one lazy blob…anyway beauteous fall NYC day.)

Don’t know Equus? Me neither until tonight and this is more or less my immediate reaction.

So, this ‘normal’ 17 year old boy blinds a bunch of horses and this is so incredibly horrific to people.  Yah, horses are pretty awesome, it seems pretty fucked up to me too. But the jury wants to put him in jail for life. The parents of this kid have individual break downs more or less because they are seen to be at fault by outsiders. I mean they raised a blinder of horses, right? Ehhm. GROSS.  But jail for life? That’s pretty intense considering the fact that this doesn’t even typically happen for gang rape or matters of this sort. Anyway, it was written in the 1970’s in England and based on a true story… how much I’m not sure but in any case we can assume that the people in the town where this took place reacted quite venomously.  The story is really dark and complex which makes it enjoyable. I’m sure its a good read too.  I’d like to give it a shot not so much because I like reading plays but you know I can be hard of hearing and I missed a lot in that theater foh shoh.  

I swear I didn’t only focus on the vegan thing throughout the one to two hour play. But I can’t help it when the focal point of the work was animal abuse. The suppressed sexuality is a whole other can of worms.

Animal abuse is FUCKED UP, right?  Most people will admit that they have a harder time seeing an animal in pain versus a human.  But its such a contradiction! Do you have any idea what kind of torture the chicken you go through before you eat them? Google ‘de-beaking’ if you want to know more but it is chopping off part of the birds beak so that they can’t peck each other since they live is flocks up to 80,000. According to John Robbins it ‘requires cutting through highly sensitive tissue, similar to the tender sensitive flesh under human fingernails and causes the animals severe pain.’  Remember slamming your fingers in the car door when you were a kid? I did that a lot it seems, always my thumb on the right hand. That shit SUCKS. The thought of chopping off a birds beak…. no pain reliever….nada… is plain ole disgusting.

AND that isn’t even the full story, not even close. Over half a million baby chicks (males that egg warehouses have no use for) are disposed of by being thrown into plastic bags to suffocate….everyday. Any other way may cost money so… profits profits profits.  Capitalism at its prime I tell ya! Think it a bit strange that a huge manufacturer of pencils and helicopters also invests in chicken? Nah, man. Its a profitable business!

My question is… is it because the horses had to suffer and were blinded rather than facing a ‘painless’ death that it is so disturbing to people? If you have the idea in your head that the animals you eat do not suffer relentlessly before making it to your plate… think again.  Even its just a horse thing… what about GELATIN?

Here are a few quotes from ‘Diet for a New America’ by John Robbins that help emphasize my point:

  • The way we treat animals is indicative of the way we treat out fellow humans.
  • A reliance on instinct is very different from a lack of ability to feel pain.
  • We have a very convenient and self-serving way of defining intelligence.

You don’t have to be an animal rights activist or even an animal lover to think that its fucked up.  Animals have a central nervous system they feel physical pain, when blinded for example. They also are capable of love and of GRIEF which is what catches the psychiatrist up. That’s all. Maybe a bit long winded but that’s more or less it. If you go on too long, people stop thinking your smart and you come off as a fanatic. No thanks.

Technical stuff about the play?

WELL….It was a bit weird to see Daniel Radcliffe in the role and to see him naked.  He has to be under loads of pressure to shed that Harry Potter skin and he…. tried pretty hard. I’m not trying to be critical, he was good. He just tried hard.  The role didn’t seem to come naturally to him. Whoever played the mother wasn’t such a good actress. Yes, she was a distressed ex-school teaching religion mum….. but eh. She was too desperate, her voice was too strained. Meh.


That psychiatrist played by the mean fat uncle in Harry Potter (Richard Griffiths)… he was ON POINT.

October 15, 2008

Peanut Butter Banana Buckwheat Pancakes

  • 3+ bananas
  • organic PB
  • 1 1/2 cup hodgson mill’s buckwheat pancake mix (yes, its sorta cheating)
  • maple syrup 
  • 1 cup hazelnut milk
  • egg equivalent – 1 egg
  • 2 tbsp of oil (we used coconut)
  • glob of apple sauce
  • a hefty shake of ground flax seed


Made the batter +/- according to the box. For 6 – 8…. there just didn’t look to be enough for normal size pancakes… Sigh. Yes, American size portions tend to be outrageous but we are talking pancakes here. So, for two we made the 12-14. Poured in a lot of peanut butter, 1.5 chopped bananas, flax seed, and apple sauce. Let it set for a bit. Cooked em up. Smothered with PB, poured on the maple syrup. GOOD TO GO. 






Black Bean Stir Fry with Poppyseed Polenta


  • 5 cups water
  • dash of sea salt
  • 1 cup polenta
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • 2 tablespoons poppy seeds
  • 1-2 cups chopped broccoli
  • 1-2 cups mixed bell peppers
  • can of black beans drained
  • cayenne pepper
  • turmeric
  • cumin


I used the ‘Soft Poppy-Seed Polenta’ recipe from Veganomicon, kinda soupy but the only other time I used polenta was in a bake so I guess that’s normal. Stir fried the broccoli and peppers with a bit of coconut oil and some garlic then added the black beans. Spiced it as advised by Mimah. Topped the polenta with the stir fry, added more cayenne. YUM.



October 12, 2008

there are many reasons why i wanted to start this blog and for some reason in order to even give it out to people in my life or to make it public…. i feel like i need to write an intro of sorts although this ain’t blog post numero uno. 

1. i read, i dont write. thats pretty important. i dont want to be judged for the order of my words or my limited vocabulary. i know good writing or at least like to think that i do. i am not capable of that nor do i desire to be. 

2. i want to log the things i keep forgetting. eg. after watching a significant film or reading a book that has a strong impact on me… i want to remember details, not just the long term lingering effect it had on my subconscious.

3. i am starting to run. i couldn’t tell you why i stopped but its been a longtime coming.  i signed up for the buffalo marathon on may 23… maybe the 29? whatever. its a sunday. i need to get my focus back (and my memory, ha). running helps and i need a long term goal. not to mention how bad ass it is going to sound when i say i ran my first marathon at 22. need to train seriously, eh? 26.2 miles. KAAAZAM!

4. i knit (obviously) and want to log my projects with pics here. ravelry is good too but i’d rather have all this centralized in one place.

5. i need to vent. i am pretty angry at the world and its systems. i am prone to  thinking that i can make a small difference to make life easier in my immediate surrounding and pretty frequently i get kicked around for this.  i dont hate humanity, i just think we are corrupt as hell. if anything its my love for humanity that fuels my anger.  (obviously there are a select few who hear about all this ramblin’ too much… this is also to give their ear a rest. bless your hearts.) often its hard for me to articulate. seeing my words sometimes really helps me to figure out what i believe or what i am feeling in regards to the issues much bigger than me. please note:  i will flip flop, don’t judge. if you do, you are an asshole. 

6. i want to have a reference for things i find online and be able to come back to them easily.

7. i haven’t had my period in over a year. that is likely key factor in my wavering sanity and its not that i am trying to deliberately refuse help. i simply dont believe in western medicine anymore, its about a quick fix and has nothing to do with preventative care. most pharmaceuticals haven’t been tested properly and we have no idea what the long term effects are. i’m not judging you for taking them so long as you don’t judge me for refusing them. that is all. i have tried birth control, i won’t do it again. the women’s anatomy is pretty fucking complex and the only answer is the pill. i cannot accept that. so, i am constantly reading about alternative women’s health stuff. don’t worry boys, this has strong overlap with the politic rants i am prone to.

8. i am vegan and cook vegan food. i will post awesome pics of delicious food and try to make the world go veg. not realistic, drrr. but it would be nice to persuade at least a handful of folks that 1.) being vegan isn’t as hard as you think 2.) its better for you, the environment and animals 3.) its a way of being an activist everyday.   i probably have a more diverse diet than most and that i am pretty health conscious.

disclaimer: you don’t need as much protein as you believe. 10% of your calories…. that is it. and veggies have protein. i’m just fine i promise. you should be more concerned about FIBER, found only in plants.    and what about calcium? if your worried about my bones, dont be. calcium has nothing to do with it. (and if it did… veggies got em too and so does rice milk, etc.) i’m pretty sure that horses and gorillas have strong healthy bones and they don’t drink milk their entire lives…. much less from another species EVER in their lives… so yah. its a bit unnatural. you can’t argue otherwise.   anyway, strong bones are built by strong muscles. build up your muscles and your bones compensate. third world countries are just starting to get osteoporosis. its because they’re modernizing (aka sitting in offices) and eating more SAD (standard american diet). don’t mess with me on nutrition. i am not interested in what you think you know.

8. how is this different than lj? good question


October 12, 2008